Steve92

Over the last year or so my daughter has become more and more abusive.  It started with bad moods that lasted for days which we put down to exam stress.  But she's been out of school for a year now and the issue has gotten worse as time goes on.  Over the last fortnight we have had threats of violence, excessive bad language, screaming and shouting at both parents and her siblings often reducing her sister to tears. and lately physical violence.  When she starts I try to place myself between her and whoever she is attacking.  As a result I have recieved several violent kicks aimed at my knees and repeated blows on my arms and shoulders.
We are at our wits end and no matter how we approach the situation she seems hell bent on escalating it till she's screaming and shouting and lashing out at someone.  If there is no one near by she will slam doors and slam her furniture into the walls and has on occasion punched / banged the walls and doors with her hands.
I appreciate I could call the police (due to the level of violence) but would prefer to try and help her.  We have suggested she needs to speak to someone, or see the doctor about this but she says there is nothing wrong with her, it's everyone else who has a problem.
Any guidance you could offer would be greatly appreciated.

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sweettooth
How old is your daughter? my daughter is 17 as yet not tried to attack me as she daren't. If i was in your place i would ask her for a sample of hair it sounds like she could be on weed yes teenagers can be up and down stroppy but when this level of violence is going on something more is happening, now it is either something bad as happened to her she is seeking attention or she is using drugs. It is hard, i know my daughter is doing drugs i don't need tests as i have had 2 before who use still and it as ruined their lives and mental health, so i know the signs. Also it sounds like she needs more punishment and ground rules, i turned her internet off on her took her playstation, yes she is 17 she said you can't do that, i said i can and i will, she has threatened to run off i said try it i will find you if not police will. So far she hasn't carried it out yet, i have tested her for drugs but the tests were weak so not sure if they were positive or false negative i am thinking of doing a hair test but they are expensive but i might do it as she is blatantly lieing to me and i can't have that. So i know what you are going through, i have banned her friends from coming here but told her i want her in by 10pm no later that is where we are at the min, she doesn't like it but hey ho. Hope you get to the bottom of the behaviour 🙂 
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familylives
Hi, I understand that this is a troubling and upsetting situation. I understand you want to help, but police intervention can be a form of help, they can remove your daughter from the situation and talk to her, in my experience they won't arrest her unless the situation calls for it. However, I understand why you would apprehensive to involve the police. Have you tried talking to her when you're alone? Ask her what's going on with her, if something changed that has affected her behaviour, in an environment where you both feel safe. Does she have someone she could stay with for a little while to give all of you a break? You may find it helpful to read our articles on teenage behaviour. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call us on our freephone helpline at 0808 800 2222.
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James
My daughter is 13, and I can identify with the behaviors mentioned above being exhibited by her. I have called the police 3 times now and was very reluctant to do so. But the incidents have become so severe that I could no longer handle them. Her school has advised this action be taken if my daughter physically assaults me or someone else. I believe it has deterred her a little but we are now at a point where the police would like to interview her regarding assault and criminal damage. The officers have been really supportive and have understood that I don’t want my daughter to have a criminal record, but just for her to understand where this behavior will get her, if she persists. The officers have stated that the appropriate action is to call them and that they are more than happy to come out. 

As as much as I am going through hell with her at the moment, I dread to think where her future lies if this continues. I believe in boundaries, setting expectations and being consistent. But if you have done this and no matter what you do, every incident ends in violence, destruction or abuse, what do you do then? 

We are currently going through family therapy via CAMHS however, after only 2 sessions there is no improvement yet as it is early days. Also appointments are few and far between. I also have a social worker that is looking into any other organizations that may be able to support us. So it is a slow, long road but I am trying to remain hopeful. 
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