KC
I dont know where to turn . My 15 yr old daughter got drunk on her birthday this Friday . I realised that she had been drinking when I spoke to her on the phone around 7.30 PM  so went to find her . She was supposed to spend the evening with her girlfriend but met other friends first and ended up getting very drunk in town . This is the 3rd time this has happened .She knows we wouldn't let her out  to her G.F if she had been drinking and that's when my daughter lost it . She knows shes let her G.F down and that becomes her only focus and she sees red .Shes adamant that whatever happens she is going .
Everything escalates very quickly, both verbally and physically,  I always get hurt trying to stop her from leaving or smashing the house up , punching doors ,  walls , mirrors , smashing windows etc  she keeps screaming that she will smash everything until we let her go to her G.F . I've never been on the receiving end of the violence directly , something somewhere inside her stops her from actually hitting me but she will literally  put her nose on mine and scream in my face but she has attact her dad and punched him when hes got involved . I try to stay as calm as I can but she knows my mental health is so fragile she uses my fears against me , threatening to leave or run away , to never see me again . I know her words are fueled by the fear that shes let her girlfriend down and she needs to get to her asap , I know she doesnt mean the hateful things she says but it does create more and more fear within me causing me to be more and more  neurotic when she goes out . My 20ye old  son is beside himself when hes witnessing how shes behaving and how it effects me but I beg him not to get involved as it adds fuel to the fire , I say the same to my husband because he makes it worse , hes not the most hands on dad and that has cut my daughter deeply and she does resent him for it . Its so awful they have to witness it happening but I'm the only one who stands a chance of calming things down.
The first 2 times this happened it lasted nearly 5 hours along with a trip to A&E as she needed stitches for punching a window . We are left mentally and physically exhausted and it takes me weeks to get over it , I say get over it , no I dont get over it . It sits in my mind and I panic over everything . The next day she feels terribly guilty and ashamed but doesnt want to talk about it . I on the other hand feel utterly broken and sad to say abused  .My husband is angry with my daughter and me as he thinks I'm to soft , which I probably am now because I'm terrified she will run away , I obsess over it . My son is very supportive . I try to talk about it all with my daughter and she shut me down . Saying I'm trying to make her feel worse than she already feels , gets defensive . She does accept her punishments and is apologetic but I need to get through to her how awful things got , how it made us feel . Why it escalates to such a level and how we can prevent it from happening again . I know teens experiment with alcohol , this is the 5th time .
3 times she was meant to go to her G.F so it all kicked off those times , the other 2 times she was appolagetic and remorseful,  calm etc came with us and not a peep out of her . Im desperate to get help for her anger but she says theres not a problem but we need help .I cant give up , I wont give up but In feeling so lost . 
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familylives
Hi, I understand that this is a difficult and upsetting situation. These sorts of situations are very difficult to deal with because your daughter is unwilling to deal with the issue at hand, maybe try talking to her again or at least keep at it, you might get through at some point. It's good that you understand she's manipulating you with her threats, but if she's cause you and your family issues and pain then perhaps you could look into her staying somewhere else for a while. I understand that you may not like the idea, but you could call Social Services, they're not just there to remove children from their families, they're there to help families. You can read more about Social Services here. You may find it helpful to read our articles on teenage behaviour. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222.
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