Worried,dad
My wife and I have 3 children aged 10, 12 and 15. My wife works on Saturdays leaving me to keep on eye on them, our 2 youngest was at seperate friends houses spending the day with them. I was home alone with my eldest usually there is nothing going on even if they are all around. Last Saturday I was busy cleaning and tidying and I walked into my daughter's bedroom to put some of her clean clothes on her dressing table for her to put away. At first I didn't notice anything, it wasn't until when I was about to walk out that I noticed that she was on the bed naked as I had my back to her. I turned around to ask her what she was doing and it was then that I realised that she was pleasuring herself, she had headphones on and her eyes were closed and was deeply engrossed in what she was doing. I said quite loudly HAY, and it was at this point that she screamed. I left immediately and went downstairs. Several hours she came down and I met her in the kitchen, I stopped her from leaving and told her to please sit down as I wanted to talk to her. I said I was not angry as there was nothing for me to be angry about, I said that I didn't care that she was doing it because it was all part if growing up and experimenting. I said that I wouldn't say anything to my wife and she could come to us for anything. Something that we both have said many times before. I haven't said anything to my wife because I said I wouldn't, nor would I know what to say, I have no idea if she knows. Does my wife know, should I say anything??. I have been worried about for the last week wondering if I did the right thing or how I handled things. I am a little worried and a little stressed. Please can anyone give me some advice...
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sweettooth
Hi i would tell her personally, as your daughter if you argue may bring it up at some point and use it against you i know as it is all happening to me now, always tell everyone everything to keep them in the picture just tell your wife not to tell your daughter 🙂 
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familylives
Hi, I understand that this is a difficult and stressful situation. It's something that even if you know it's going on, it's still quite shocking. You weren't to know what was going on and I think considering everything you handled the situation quite well, after a surprised outburst you calmly explained things to her and assured her that you were there if she wanted to talk. If you're still worried, perhaps you can delicately and discreetly discuss it with your wife without your daughter knowing, as she might feel betrayed if she finds out and then may not come to you with things in the future. It's a delicate situation and involves a lot of embarrassment, which teenagers tend to react strongly to, so it needs a gentle hand. If you feel that you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call us on our freephone helpline at 0808 800 2222. 
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Worried,dad
Thank you for your advice.

My wife realised that there was a problem, she could tell that I was hiding something. It took a while for her to get me to tell her what was going on.

I told her that I didn't want our daughter to find out that she knew.

When I told her she was pleased, and promised not to say anything. My wife wasn't surprised that our daughter was experimenting sexually but hadn't seen or heard anything to confirm that thought.
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