Hi there,

My hubby comes from a family with a medical history of mental illness. His mother suffered some very awful sexual abuse as a child and young woman. She developed an obsession with these events and related abuse topics, now even 40 years later STILL won't stop talking incessantly about these really dark negative things despite countless hours of therapy. 

Needless to say my hubby grew up with her as his primary caregiver which created a very toxic and damaging environment. Her obsessive qualities about traumatic sexual abuse had also blurred her ability to separate reality from delusion which just added fuel to the fire.

My brother in law suffered a delusional paranoid breakdown at the same age my hubby is now. Since the birth of our first child my hubby has been on a downward spiral. Hes been paranoid about mundane events, has developed obscure outlandish opinions, and has even started creating false memories. (I say they are false memories because they are factually highly unlikely.) When he is challenged on these behaviors, opinions, or "memories" he gets extremely defensive and yells.

He's also developed an anger problem and shouts at our baby when it cries!!! I have of course explained repeatedly that he is being verbally abusive and that you cannot discipline a little baby, yet he still does it. 

Even though he's in therapy it just seems to be getting worse and worse. He's difficult to talk to and doesn't listen to logic or reason regarding his paranoia and delusions. He is becoming obsessive with the same dark negative topics his mother was and twists every conversation into a rant about these things when we're not talking about those things.

I don't feel the therapist is really helping or corralling these issues or behaviors, it feels like we're just paying for him to rant for an hour and that's it. What can I do or try, and what are some options???? I would really like to fix this and not end up divorced. 




Hi, I understand that this is a difficult, troubling and upsetting situation. Depending on what kind of therapy he's receiving, a different kind may be helpful. If you're able to talk to the provider of his therapy this may help clarify things. Perhaps you could discuss this issue with the people at 111, the NHS advice and inquiries line. Maybe you could spend some time apart while he's recovering from this break, you could use this time to think about how you want to deal with the situation. You could also consider couples therapy, but I'm not sure  how helpful that would be with the state of his mental health. You may find it helpful to read our articles on relationship advice and divorce and separation. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222.