MrRubik
Hi all,
I am new here and we have a 16 yr old son who is very depressed about the fact that he is convinced he is gay. I just wanted to see if any other parent out there has had a similar experience and might have some advice on how we can help him.
A bit of background, he has long had anxiety and OCD issues since he was very young and has always latched on to specific fears but the 'fear' of being gay is something that has been with him for 3 or 4 years now. He has had a lot of counselling and we have always said to him we don't care what he is as long as he is happy but nothing seems to help. Some of the counselling has suggested that he has OCD and it is possible to convince yourself you are the very thing you are afraid of, so this has just added to the confusion.
We just say to him to take his time, that his sexuality is not an issue for us or his family and that he can have a perfectly happy life whether he is gay or not. However he is worried about his mates rejecting him etc. and can't see a future with another man as he has always just wanted (and still does) to have a wife and kids "like everyone else".
Has anyone got any suggestions or tips on how we can help him to see that being gay will be fine?
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familylives
Hi, I understand that this is a difficult and troubling situation. Do you know any gay or otherwise LGBT people that he could perhaps talk to, having a real life person who has been through the things he's worrying about may be helpful. The Stonewall website may be a useful tool resource, he can e-mail them for advice and they'll get back to him (in 1-3 days). He could talk to The Mix, they're an organisation that provides support to young people, he can call them on 0808 808 4994. If you would like to talk to someone, Young Minds are an organisation that supports families with a child with mental health issues, you can call them on 0808 802 5544. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222.
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Jason Shaw jay3779
hi, have you considered that his depression may be linked positively to a lack of confidence with girls in his peer group, and that his worry that his mates reject him is that he can't live up to those (unrealistic for him) macho expectations? Personally, I would not introduce him to any organisation at this stage but would encourage him to talk about his feelings on the subject of girls. I went through a stage like this at approx the same age and worked through it in a natural way. 
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MrRubik
Thank-you for the replies, they are very much appreciated. I think he still has a great deal of confusion on this matter and whilst at times is convinced and very down about it, at other times he doesn't seem quite so sure.
It is interesting what you say Jason about confidence because he always doubts himself massively despite always achieving well. It is always "I can't do this", "I can't do that" and then he will go on and do those things and do them well. There certainly could be an element of that within his peer group in that they get a girlfriend and he'll think "I couldn't do that - so I must be different".
What I have taken from these replies is that he needs to take time and build good friendships and relationships and become more confident about whatever outcome.
Thanks so much again for taking the time to reply.
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