My wife and I are in despair...

Our 15 year old son over the last year has had a huge behavioural shift from a cheeky but empathetic young man, to a young man that behaves disrespectfully, without care of consequence, cold heartedly unless he benefits from an act of kindness, etc. He has stolen money from my wife and I in the house as well as from his younger brothers savings tin.

He has now decided that school is also now ‘not a priority’ for him and refuses to get up and go... last week he managed to attend half of the day. Today he didn’t bother at all. 

Trying to have a rational conversation results in a strange grin and then just getting laughed at or sworn at. Raising my voice results in aggression.

He is also self harming, smoking, and stealing alcohol from me and from friends parents...

We are waiting on some kind of help as my wife and our two other kids feel like we’re on eggshells every day. Being judged by the school because we can’t get him in but on the other hand, if it’s mental health issues, not knowing what we should or should not do!

I’m not expecting a magic answer here... Just worried about his direction and legal consequences of us being unable to man-handle him into school. Last week I tried and we ended up in A&E as he punched holes in the door....

Sorry to dump but we are drowning...
I'm no expert, but I'd suggest going to your GP and trying to get a referral to a psychologist. I've had 2 boys go through adolescence and neither has been this extreme; my youngest, however, has some quite extreme behaviour and this has been recommended to me as the next step. The worrying signs for me would be the self harm and the stealing, especially of alcohol. The other thing you could try is Relate; they have acted very quickly for us, although I can't say yet if it's helping.
I would also speak to the school. Your son won't be the first young person they've had whose behaviour has turned challenging. They may be more help than you think, and be able to direct you to support.  
Hi, I understand that this is a difficult and troubling situation. Perhaps Social Services could help you in this situation. Social Services are there to support families and not to simply separate children from parents, and could help in this situation. You can read more about Social Services here. You said you're waiting on help, whatever that is we suggest that you get in contact with them if you feel that you cannot cope in the wait. If you haven't already, perhaps you could consult your GP about the situation. You may find it helpful to read our articles on teenage behaviour. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222.