Mr deano
Advice needed please, 
30 years ago me and my partner had a baby (boy) . I was divorced from my first wife at the time and I had 3 children with my first wife, the child with my new partner wasnt planned ás I didnt want anymore children, I couldnt live with the guilt of having another family when I had left my first wife and children, me and my new partner decided to have the baby adopted to a family member. My new partner and I later split and went our separate ways. I have never forgot about my son and lived with a lot of guilt throughout my life. I always knew where my son was but chose not to contact, as I didnt want to upset him or his new family. I have always been in contact with my 3 children from my first marrage and been a big part in there lives.the reason I am asking for help here is that a couple of days ago I was looking through an internet site and came across my son, brought tears to my eyes but also great joy to see he had a good up bringing from his new family and I can see he looks very happy. The point now is do I try to make contact with him to say who I am ?. My heart is telling me to contact him but my head is telling me no, as I know for a fact that even though hes 30 years old now he has never been told that he was adopted by his new family, I wouldnt want for him or his new family to feel any pain if the truth was out there would be too many people involved that would be hurt. My then was partner has never had any contact with him and herself has gone on to have a new family with children with whome again dont know about the past. My own reasons for wanting to make contact with him is to make piece with myself to tell the truth about things and the past , none of us are here forever and time is running out. The last thing I would want is for anyone to be upset and feel pain. Thank you for reading .
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Daisy
In my view yes. In the job I do I was shocked to see people at the very end off there life being reunited for the first time in many many years. All of there lives sometimes, I was young and I couldn’t believe this could happen but it can. I believe life is too short to not grab this opportunity to reconnect when th your son. You don’t want to have regrets I’d imagine naturally he will want you back in his life you only geget if you ask. Deep breaths xx good luck 💪🤗
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Daisy
Sorry for the typos !
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familylives
Hi, I understand that this is a difficult and upsetting situation. Perhaps, you could talk to their adoptive parents and discuss the situation with them as they would know best. You may find it helpful to consider why you want to contact them, are you doing it because you genuinely feel that you could be a positive addition to their life or are you doing it simply because you feel an emotional connection to the idea of them? You may also find it helpful to read our articles on adoption. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222.
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