Shannen1993

Hello, I am new to this forum. I have various issues with the Father of my Daughter. Since our separation in June 2018, we both signed a parental agreement that he would have our daughter every weekend as requested by him. I have evidence of every weekend from June 2018 until now showing that more than half he has not had our daughter. He does not pay towards his daughters upbringing and last saw her in September 2019. Contact is rare and excuses rise as to why he cannot have her. I explain about her best interests, emotional development and consistency but he chooses to ignore and wants to see her when it suits him. I have stopped that because of the inconsistency for her and that he is to have her all weekend as agreed. He does not meet her needs and quite frankly not acting like a Dad. and when he has her, it is at his parents house who provide for her. Contact has now moved to fortnightly and he has raised no issues with this. When speaking with him only regarding contact when necessary.. he is abusive in his messages. He does not take into consideration the bigger picture and our Daughter's best interests and her wellbeing. This weekend is the first weekend he is having her since early September. I explained that she may become upset, as she was previously when he collected her because then that was inconsistent. I said if she becomes that upset, we may need to go to a cafe or something and ease in the transfer. He just told me to 'Get F*cked'. He does not take anything into consideration other than him having her and having some form of control. I am lost in what else to do. The way he speaks to me is lowering my mood and the fact that I cannot have an adult conversation with him makes things a lot harder. A separate topic is that we were not married but he is on the birth certificate and denied name change last year when I asked.I have a lot more information, however, I would like to understand the likeliness of success if I applied for a specific court order to consider and override his decision? He does not pay towards his Daughter's upbringing, he is not raising her rarely asks how she is, has seen her less than half since our separation. I have a different surname to my Daughter and it is just us within our household. I have never stopped him from seeing her etc. but I believe she deserves to have the same surname as myself, as her main network is me and my family. Any advice is much appreciated.

 

 

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Steph37
Hi Shannen 

you are in a similar position to my daughter.  I really feel for you as a child needs routine and consistency.  We have the same issue with surname.  We did speak to an organisation called Splitz who are so familiar with abusive exes.  They may be able to offer advice on the surname/Court.  We did end up with a Court Order as the ex went from infrequent contact to applying for main carer.  I was told the person applying for an Order is in a stronger position than the one defending.  I do hope you get things sorted as I know what it’s like living with such issues.  
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familylives
Hi, I understand that this is a difficult and upsetting situation. Unfortunately, as we're not legally trained we cannot give legal advice. We suggest that you visit the Child Law Advice website, which has an extensive archive of information on the law surrounding children. You can call them, but you may be charged or asked to book a call, on 0300 330 5480. We suggest that you keep all forms of contact from him as evidence and keep an accurate diary of when he has her for court purposes. You may find it helpful to read our articles on shared parenting. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222.
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