Bekkib24
Sorry this may be long. I have been married 10 years and have two kids with my husband. He is an excellent man but over the last year we have just stopped paying attention and when I raised the problems he was not interested.  

Fast forward and I ended up talking to an ex who you might say is the one who got away. The bad boy, exciting and everything my life seemed to be missing. We started hanging out and one thing lead to another and we were in a sexual relationship which then gained feelings on both sides.

It would never work between us we both know that and I told my husband. He wants to give it a go but I can't forgive myself. I have a history of depression and anxiety. I am also a keyworker at a hospital so work is stressful and home life is awful and awkward. He is trying but it feels so forced.  On top of this I have used recreational drugs a couple of times. It is like I am self destruct and can't get out. 

We have discussed seperation but the thought of telling my kids kills me. But so does leading my husband on when I know he loves me so much and it is not reciprocated
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snoopy71
Hi ... after reading your situation here, my immediate thought was why even think about leaving a man who loves you so much, even rising above your indiscretions and poor mental health?  Sorry, that's not a criticism, just an observation. My feelings are that all relationships flounder at times and it's so easy to find that better 'fork in the road' where things will be so much better. But will they?  One thing that heartens me is that we are never alone in such dilemmas, in fact there is a whole world out there where thousands of other relationships are wanting to switch off. Sadly, I am of the view that having a sexual relationship on the side where feelings start to grow may be just another relationship to go wrong in the future. It happens, Excitement fades and guilt kicks in. All I can say that it's better to opt for the safe option which offers you security and a place to belong. All you need to do is to learn to live with each other and try and rekindle the passion for each other. Certainly, it seems your husband is prepared to do that. ðŸ˜Š
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familylives
Hi, I understand that this is a difficult and troubling situation. If you're struggling with your mental health and these relationship issues, perhaps talking to someone might help, a close friend or a relative? Counselling services may be difficult to access at the moment but you could talk to your doctor for a referral, telephone sessions are usually available. It's great that you're thinking about your kids, but staying together for them isn't the great idea its advertised to be. Children are more perceptive than they're given credit for and will be able to tell that there are issues in your relationship. You may find it helpful to read our articles on divorce and separation. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222. 
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