Marymary2019
Suicide 

My husband took his own life, at home, while I was out at work and seeing friends, my children were at home. He hung himself in our garage

There is no indication as to why, other than his ongoing health issues and history of mental health 

New relationship 

Just 8 weeks later I met someone knew. A local person who knew relatives of my husband but not myself. My husbands family were obviously hurt. They turned against me saying I was responsible for my husbands suicide. The first time me and my partner lasted just a few weeks and he returned to his ex. They had a row and he was arrested for assault. He was given a 2 year restraining order community service and a course to attend. We got back together but again after a couple of weeks he returned to her. 

Social services

I have never had any involvement with social services and have been a mum for 18 years. I was shocked to find out my ex sister in law had reported me to them saying I wasnt coping and mentioned this on off partner even though I hadnt heard or seen him for 2 months. 

Social services seemed quite understanding but said we expect you not to ever get back with him and put your children first. Stating that I seem to choose troubled men. (Because my husband took his own life and because my partner had assaulted his ex) In their report it said if they received concrete evidence we was back together they would assess and put children on child protection.

This did not bother me we wasnt together.

Now 

Out the blue we bump into one another we stop and chat and it was obvious we still loved one another, probably more than we had realised or allowed ourselves to admit. When we was together he never showed an aggressive side to me or in front of myself and children. 

We are in contact via messages we have mutual friends so have seen one another and spoken which I checked with SS that this contact is fine when had assessment due to us having same circle of friends. They do not want him around the children incase he 'kicks' off in front of them.

But I know we love one another. I feel I deserve to have love in my life after all I been through and am willing until he proved himself to SS and my older children that he has changed (he left me twice for his ex and this infuriated my 18 and 16 year olds) not to have him around the children to keep us totally separate from them. 

I am scared to speak to SS about this direct I dont want them to think I've been having a relationship with him when I havent but want to know where i stand. The report said if I get back with him they'll assess and put my children on child protection. 

My husband had a domestic violence relationship with his partner before me yet never ever hurt me physically so I do believe in being different dependant on the person your with. 

As I've never had their involvement I dont understand any of it.
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familylives
Hi, I understand that this is a difficult situation. You can contact the Family Rights Group, they're an organisation that helps people having issues with Social Services, you can call their freephone helpline on 0808 801 0366. Your apprehension is completely understandable, but if you want information on your case then you're likely going to have to contact them, but discuss this with Family Rights Group as we're not experts. You may find it helpful to read our articles on Social Services. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222.
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