Lyra
Hi all...my OH has had this cycle for years now and its resulted in him pushing me until I have to tell him to leave. He ignores me and our relationship and becomes a total stranger. hes cold, talks differeently is very uncooperative, aggressive, really awkward and says all the things he knows will hurt my feelings. He keeps going until i shout or cry or both. Im sick of it it is really affecting my life. We have two children a teen and a 10 yr old and its horrible for them too. When he stops doing it hes nice and helpful and just st ypical man but in these cycles he is impossible to talk to and its very upsetting. I asked him to go to the dr but dont know if he did or if he was honest if he did go. we wentto councelling but he was a totally different person in there so it was pointless. i was emotionally floored by the whole thing, the uncertainty, vulnerability etc. im aware hes very good at making it look like i have the isues as hes really lovely to everyone else and awful to me in the house. the things he has said have really hurt my feelings over and over...last time i had to ask him to go he said he was never coming back..10 weeks later he only came back because i told him to! he had hardly seen teh kids but i was struggling so much i guess i caved as i really needed the help i have no otehr support and he made no contact unless it was to get a reaction from me and only provided money to suit him he is very tight and cadgey with mney its his only control! i get so ground down im always the one who ends up apoagising and we go one and on. he doesnt change. why the hell does he do it!!!?
Quote
familylives
Hi, I understand that this is a difficult and upsetting situation. Lots of people have been through what you're currently going through. There's a book called Why Does He Do That? and you can read it for free here, it might answer a lot of your questions. You may find the National Domestic Abuse Helpline helpful, there's a lot of information on their website and they have a 24-hour helpline you can call on 0808 2000 247. Women's Aid is a similar organisation, they offer an instant chat service, e-mail service and have a forum. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222.
Quote
Lyra
Thank You for replying i felt so alone. I have read the book you suggested already and it hasn't helped. Can he get help can it be sorted or is the only option to leave and find someone who is just kind!? I don't want to but I can't keep going through this
Quote
Rosieroo
My husband is the exact same. I've been with him 5 years and he has spent most of that in a mood and being nasty. Something small will happen and usually nothing I've done at all and he turns. He will be angry,  shout and being very nasty to me. He won't speak to me for days. He won't communicate about it so I'm shut down all the time . He will mock me and make me feel pretty bad. Happened last night, for example he was tired and i said for him to sleep and I will look after rhe kids , he got stressed and started on me and threw things around the kitchen , chucked the kitchen roll and stuff in the sink and turned the taps on. Completely over the top to what the situation is. And that's just a mild episode.  Im at rhe end where I feel terrible about myself and worried what to do. And like you when he is fine he is amazing. I have started looking into leaving with is scary and still heartbreaking as part of me loves him but he has hurt me alot and I am not the person I was and feel anxious and I walk on eggshells alot. I cannot be myself or speak with him about anything cos it coule trigger him.
We have two boys 4 and 1. 
Quote