Spud
I've never really done this before but I'm losing my mind a little not knowing how to cope. My husband and I have been having a really difficult time this year, my mental health (and inevitable unfair blame on him for it) drove him to fall in love with another woman. Since then we have both tried to work on our relationship but it's ended with my husband leaving me. 

I still have hope for our marriage. He's my childhood sweetheart, my first love and the man I've spent 11 happy years with. He says we are fundamentally incompatible, that the aggression and violence been shown throughout our relationship is not something either of us will change from (we argue and bicker a lot and have ended up being violent over the last year or so, punching walls, breaking tables and unfortunately once the violence ended up towards each other). I don't believe this is the case, or at least for me it isn't. I am working with a therapist to manage my emotional responses to things and learning to control my anger.

I feel like in 6 months time we could come back together and be good again but he's saying the opposite. He wants to sell the flat we own and move on and wants to start those proceedings in April.

What do I do? How do I accept that this is over or do I keep trying? How do I get over heartbreak? I've never experienced it before and to be honest it's not something I ever hope to experience again. I'm not just saying goodbye to my past and present but to the future we had planned of kids etc. 

To top it off, we own a business together and have a dog so I have to see him most days which makes it even more difficult to move on. Whenever I get upset about the situation he gets angry and shouts at me. He's turned all his emotions off towards me, in the space of a day he went from crying over our relationship to hating me?
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familylives
Hi, I understand that this is a difficult and upsetting situation. You can't make someone stay in a relationship they don't want to be in, and maybe the way he's suddenly shut off his emotions toward you should show that he's moved on and isn't worth chasing. I understand that it might currently feel as though you'll never get over this, since as you said he's your first love, but healing takes time and patience. Have you got a group of friends you can lean on? Family who have been through similar situations? In times like these it's important to have a support network of people you can rely on. It's great that your in therapy and dealing with your issues, that one massive step forward. You may find it helpful to read our articles on divorce and separation. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222.
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