Clo1908

Hello all. This is my first time posting on here and I'm worried because one side of me feels silly I'm so upset by it. 

my daughter is 12 and she has danced since she was 4. I'm  a single parent and I have had at most 3 jobs at one time to ensure I could pay for her to have the best possible chance to be successful in this industry. She's done extremely well, earned scholarships, won titles, awards been on stage been sponsored.  She does approx 20 hours a week. Gosh I'm so so proud she's done so well.

This week she's announced she's giving up. 

I can't explain how sick and sad I feel. Yesterday our neighbours who we don't see much said 'how are you superstar, I was telling our daughters about you being in (theatre)...' and she just shrugged and I wanted to cry.

What's worse is she struggles academically-so we can't even count on her doing well at school, I feel sick about her future, I feel sick at how easily she's throwing it all away knowing what I've sacrificed and everything that's been done for her. 

I feel like a failure. I feel embarrassed about it, and I'm dreading people asking us about dance. 

I guess what I'm asking is can anyone relate to this and how did you get through the change In situation.  

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familylives
Hi, I understand that you find this difficult but she's twelve, she's young and has a lot of time to find other things she wants to do. In all of this post you've only talked about yourself and not how your daughter feels. Do you know why she doesn't want to do dancing anymore? Would you force her to do something she finds no pleasure in simply because it embarrasses you? When people ask about her dancing, you can simply reply 'she doesn't do that anymore'. Again, she's twelve she has plenty of time to get better at school, the idea that nothing will change between now and her becoming an adult is absurd. That you got extra work to support her is commendable but not your child's fault and she's allowed to change her mind, she's twelve and the notion that she has to choose a career this instant is constricting. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222.
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Tiscali.co.uk
I have not been in this position but i understand how worried you are about the future. But just thimk how well you have both done, sticking to these classes for years it shows she is commited to things she can be, maybe she is just a little bored you have given her something she could return to in the future. You have given her a great start     how to work as part of a team, sense of duty and commitement to her self and her peers. And helped her to build a positive sense of worth amongst other things, She will find her way plenty of time just stand by her like you have always done. You should be proud of her and yourself.
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Nick Holas

Does she want to be a dancer or are you living your own dreams through her? If she likes dancing then she will come back to it. Sorry, I am being very harsh here but... You clearly have a huge aspiration for her in this area and it sounds like she is feeling the pressure so she’s giving up rather than risk disappointing you. I have the same dilemma because my kids are good at music but they often say they want to give up. I try not to push them too hard because that will make them hate it. You can’t force someone to do something artistic - you can only really succeed in that field if you love it. take the pressure off and she might get into it again. 

If she doesn’t, look on the bright side... as careers go, theatre/dancing is one of the least lucrative or stable so pretty much anything else she turns to will make her better of economically. 

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florapost
Both my children were child actors - then at 17, my daughter decided to drop it and study politics. I admit, part of me was sad - it is fun having young performers in the family. But she has made a good fist of the change, and I am very proud of the job she is doing now, which is steady if not magnificently paid. My son now - he is still studying drama, and, given his fallback skill is hospitality, I have to remind myself he is resourceful and I mustn't worry about his future. In this time of C-19, any planned future is so fragile.

She doesn't have to be academic to get on in life, either - willingness to listen, learn and work hard must all have been skills she has acquired over the past 8 years, and they will help her in so many career paths.
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