Today was our tenth anniversary. Only I bought a card. I got a thanks. That was it for the rest of the day.

My life has been isolated for the last couple of years, sleeping in a different room, no intimacy or any physical contact. I want to leave but feel trapped.

I earn most of the money, pay virtually all the bills, and financially can't save for seperation as a result. We share a house and neither of us could afford to move out.

When I do manage to get her to talk it gives me a false sense of hope and then it goes back to normal. I feel like a door mat. Just here to be a dad and help around the house and drive them places. It's made it very hard to leave.

I'm not sure of the next steps.

Hi, I understand that this is a difficult and upsetting situation. Have you spoken to any friends or family about the situation? Do you know anyone who has gone through divorce, marriage difficulties or something similar that you could talk to? Having people around to talk to can help you talk through your feelings and come to a decision. Talk to your partner, be honest with them, and keep in mind how often things have gone back to feeling disconnected. Maybe consider couples counselling? You may find it helpful to read our articles on divorce and separation. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222.

Have you tried couples therapy? Or perhaps therapy of your own and an ultimatum for her to get therapy as well for 6 months on her own and maybe then come together for couples therapy. If you keep having the same conversations and nothing really changes, then she doesn't feel any pressing reason to change or work on anything. Basically you are the one with the problem in this relationship so you need to own it, and take concrete steps to remedy the situation. Personally I don't think you've tried enough to really walk out and be done with the relationship. 

 It is not uncommon to feel like you've grown apart from your spouse or partner, but this means you and her have work to do. Relationships do not maintain themselves and with children in the mix it can be even more challenging to make time for each other. 

First and most importantly you need to take care of yourself. Most people don't want to be happy which is why they're not. Hardly anyone likes to admit that happiness is an inner choice because it puts responsibility on themselves. Once you start working on yourself it will be easier to convince your partner to grow and change with you. Ultimately, if you want something you are not getting in your life you need to start GIVING that to eventually receive it. 

For example if you want love you need to be more loving, if you want her to listen to you you need to become a good listener. What you want you must become to really get in a relationship.


Best of luck mate