Reenie75
Hi,

my husband and I separated after more than 10 years of marriage earlier this year. Throughout our marriage my husband struggled with depression, anxiety and a wide range of other issues. We tried relate, he tried CBT he was assessed for autism. You name it I tried to find an answer for his behaviour. There is no doubt despite how utterly horrible the whole experience was the separation is the best thing for both of us. I am definitely not as depressed, struggling as much and a wide range of other issues! However I am just so sad! I find myself struggling every week with his lack of interest and motivation in seeing our kids ( I get no money and he sees each child for 1 hour per week on average) in lots of ways our situation hasn’t changed. I am still spending all my time finding ways to motivate him, help him, justify his lack of Interest and issues like last weekend when he didn’t even send a text.. - our eldest had a dance competition - I am still upset and frustrated and upset... I have tried countless conversations , letters, argument none of it has ever got through to him.. I work full time so don’t go out, couldn’t really meet anyone else (he is online I know because someone sent me his profile). I have tried and tried so much to make him something he just can’t be and it seems doesn’t want to be (please don’t get me wrong he isn’t heartless it’s just like he doesn’t know how to be or communicate and sdfinitely has no interest in learning) the saddest thing for me is it has only been a bit more than 6 months and my kids are only 10 and 8 and they don’t ask about him... they never ask to ring him, see him or spend time with hom.. they need to have a relationship with  their dad but it can’t be my choice only?? I suppose the question is how long do you keep fighting for?? 
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familylives
Hi, I understand that this is a difficult and upsetting situation. If he doesn't want to have a relationship with his children, do you think that forcing one would be helpful or healthy for anyone involved. It may be upsetting that they don't want to call him or don't ask what he's doing, they're probably just protecting themselves from being hurt by his lack of interest. Put this energy into supporting and loving your children, if he really cares about them and wants to have a relationship with them then it's up to him to put that effort in and not you. You are responsible for yourself and your children and not your ex-partner. I understand that his lack of interest or effort is upsetting, but you can only control how you deal with the situation and not him. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222.
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