Lizzany
My world has turned upside down I’ve been married for five years and two weeks ago my 13 daughter disclosed my husband has been sexually abusing her. Within minutes I left the house and contacted police. I had no clue this was a man I trusted completely. I have had no choice but to petition for divorce and I now have to rebuild my life. I’ve now got to go through a potential court case a divorce and cope with the trauma of my daughters abuse and be there for her. I’ve lost my best friend lover and confidante in a fortnight. I now can only hate him for the betrayal hurt and distress he’s caused me my daughter and family. Two weeks ago my life would have appeared perfect great house holidays and a friendship which meant I could be myself for the first time with someone. Now I’m alone with an uncertain future and no idea how I will ever trust again. Please anyone give me thoughts and advice on how the hell Ofer through this nightmare 
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familylives
Hi, I understand that this is a horrific and upsetting situation. Counselling could help you and your daughter through this difficult time, you can be referred through your GP or you can refer yourself through the NHS website. Talking to or simply looking through the resources on the NSPCC website may be helpful, you can call them on 0808 800 5000. MOSAC are an organisation that helps parents in similar situations to yourself, you can call them on 0800 980 1958. Lean on friends and family, a strong support network is key to getting through awful situations. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222.
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familylives
You may want to talk things through with our trained family support workers online, our new live chat service is open, weekdays, 1.30pm to 5.30pm. I feel that it is crucial for you to have someone to talk to and help you through this. This situation has caused your whole world to become upside down. The level of trauma is indescribable. You are not alone, we are here for you for as long as you need us. 
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snoopy71
This is indeed so sad for you and a complete and utter breakdown in what you thought was the fabric of a loving relationship.  Just one question, I am assuming that your daughter's allegations have been proven?  I just hesitate as it would not be the first time a girl into her teens has created a story to suit herself and nothing more. Assuming you are happy this is totally true, then you can never go back. Forgiving perhaps say a partner seeking sex elsewhere can be worked on but your husband has created a world where you may view him as mentally unsound and certainly never to be trusted again. Yes, you will find it hard to trust again but your immediate and most important consideration is your daughter, still a child and sadly been unable to grow up safely as such. You must work hard on now living apart and surviving both emotionally and financially. Your husband has indeed betrayed you in the worst way possible and depending on where his future lies, he must move everything to make you and your daughter secure going forward. You have no choice but to insist on this. Yes, no easy answer but take each day as it comes and at least agree where you want to be and strive for that. I agree, you will find it hard to ever love again but it is entirely possible and take comfort in that. 
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Lizzany
Thanks for your reply. To give some context. My daughter disclosed following an enjoyable evening sat in the garden last month.  I spent time in the house cleaning so I wasn’t in the garden all the time around 930 pm my daughter asked me to take her to bed which is unusual whilst in bed she began to cry and then became  very distressed saying she wanted a knife to kill herself, she started pulling her hair out and scratching her face and also tried to jump out the window. Eventually she told me my husband had pulled her top to look at her breasts and tried to kiss her. I instinctively believed her and took the car keys and drove off. It is important to note that in my husband statement and mine we said it had been a nice evening and there had been no arguments but he could not explain why he had not called to check where we had gone he did not make one phone call to me or my family. he even went to work the next day. Yet he claims in interview I'd got my daughter drunk and she was slumped in a chair and perhaps she misinterpreted something. ??? Yet the reality was I had driven to my sisters and immediately called the police all within an hour of my daughter disclosing. if she had been drunk the police would have taken her off me wouldn’t you think ? and my sister would definitely have encouraged me not to call. This narrative of making me out to be a bad parent has meant his family believe his version and have said me and my daughter are troubled and toxic. My daughter also disclosed that he has been kissing her neck for six years and has for the past year been hugging her but feeling her breasts. This was not a one off. She told my mom she hadn’t said anything because she wanted a dad. This was a man I completely trusted. Social services met with my daughter and had no problem with my parenting they thought my daughter was a very young and innocent 13 year old btw this happened a week after her 13th birthday. School have been contacted again only positive she’s in the top ten of her year for academic ability. I’m her notebook I opened I found a page where she described what she wants to do when she grows up one of which was to kiss a boy at the age of 14, get drunk aged 18, become a doctor at 24 and get married at 26. Clearly she has never kissed anyone and my 56 yr old husband has taken that experience away from her. I will never forgive or forget 
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snoopy71
Hi again ... it seems that you and your daughter have a good angle on this situation that is clearly not coming from her imagination and it is historical to boot. I can only imagine that your husband's defence, in his eyes, is that it simply didn't happen and 'tis one statement versus another, so hard to take forward in any way. And as your daughter said, she needs a dad up and above any problem that comes with it, which is awful for you both. And as you said, your husband didn't seem bothered by your disappearance on that day which kind of fits in with a guilty conscience and his attempt to make light of it all. MY heart goes out to you as I can see trusting another man will be hard as it's hard to see what's below the surface. As for helping your daughter move forward, I think simple quiet reassurance is best for now with the message that none of this is her fault, indeed you were both victims, and she will still find that 'special' moment of kissing a boy so much easier in future years as she begins to understand the abusive nature of the incident with your husband. I wish you well in all of this ... 
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