Kay
My husband and I have been staying separate for the last 1 year as we wanted to save up to buy a house. During this time i have realised that I do not want to go back to live with him as he was never actually home, he always used to be out drinking with his friends and other bad habits such as gambling. It was just a very big struggle. We have a gorgeous baby boy who has just turned 2 who stays with me. Even after he was born i did not get the support i should have as a father and a husband (physically, financially and emotionally). My husband does come and see our 2 year old on the weekends now. I really need to stay strong headed as I am still going to have to see him during and after the divorce because of our son. Please help I keep getting so emotional. He is trying his sales pitch as usual to try and win me back but i know it is not going to last long and he will go back to his old ways. I really need to be strong and stick to my guns
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snoopy71

I am wondering why you stayed separate for the past year to save up money? 

'Letting go' can be indeed a major trauma as you are trying to reject something that you once loved and to a small extent, probably still do. Of course he will try and win you back as that's what men tend to do, despite their shortcomings. The crux of this situation is really whether you are 100% committed to part from him and I understand how much emotional energy that takes.  The other major consideration is whether you can both function independently taking into account money, work, housing and childcare etc so there is a lot to consider. And many people say that unhappy people should never stay together for the sake of children although of course many do. 

You are clearly unhappy so perhaps you should simply draw a line in the sand with your husband and insist you continue to live separately ... agreed, people rarely change and you may find that living separately as a firm decision is your committed choice, whether that leads to divorce or otherwise. As we all know, life is rarely set in stone but for now your commitment not to accept him back is all you need.  But with that decision comes a harder life ahead as you know so you know it will not be easy.  But I always ask 'at what price happiness' so that is something  to reflect on. 

Remember he is probably as unhappy as yourself and hates his own demons. The big question for him, not you, is can he work hard to change himself?  ðŸ˜Œ

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familylives
Hi, I understand that this is a difficult and upsetting situation. Perhaps you could write down all the reasons why you've decided to get a divorce, just so you have it and can look over it whenever you feel uncertain. Have you spoken to friends or family about the situation? It's always important to have a support network around you when you're changing something as big as this. You may find it helpful to read our articles on divorce and separation. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222.
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