Pompey70
My daughters father has seen her for 4 hrs 45 mins in 18 months, he’s not bothered at all, messages her on and off, as and when he feels like it, she tries to keep communication open with him, but he just ignores her.. she sent him a message yesterday, it’s his birthday tomorrow, and she’s just noticed that yet again he’s blocked her.  Been told it’s emotional and mental abuse.  I’d rather he was right out of her life. But she just says he’s my dad, she wanted to change her surname, but he wasn’t happy about it, so she’s not doing it now, as she doesn’t want to hurt him, and this is what he does, she’s 14. 
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familylives
Hi, I understand that this is a difficult and upsetting situation. It sounds as though your daughter has tried all sorts of things and has put a lot of effort into this relationship without getting anything back. Have you spoken to, or tried to, her father about this issue? It might be time to talk to your daughter about how this relationship is effecting her, she's at an age where she is likely to understand. If she needs someone to talk to she can contact The Mix, they're an organisation that helps young people with whatever issue they might be having, you can call them on 0808 808 4994. You may find it helpful to read our articles on divorce and separation. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or contact us through our live chat service which is open, Monday to Friday between 1.30pm and 5.30pm or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222.
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snoopy71
Hi Pompey70.   Well being 14 says it all really, mentally and physically growing up but still a child in so many ways and having a father who is more like a ghost in her life. My advice is to 'ride the storm' while your daughter matures into a deeper thinker. For sure she wants to change her name and then not to all due to 'not wanting to hurt him' but what has he ever done not to hurt her?  I am assuming that your relationship with the father has broken down ?  As she gets older, she will appreciate the scale of the situation a lot more and probably live quite happily without her father being part of her daily life. But for now, she needs that little bit of assurance that he actually exists and that she has, in some part, two parents. One thing seems certain, he's not going to metamorphise into a loving father, it's not impossible but unlikely. Errant fathers like this are exactly that, errant, and because they prefer it that way.  And not changing her name so as to not hurt him?  If he has any decency enough to actually feel hurt at that, it would have given him a conscience and he would have been in touch more and more. Perhaps he has a sense of low worth and cannot come back because of that?  Only you can decide. But for now, riding this unhappy storm is all you can do, and many thousands of women and daughters have done the same and come out to run happy lives.  ðŸ˜ƒ
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