Toni
Hi, 
Newbie here. I wasn't sure who to ask. So. Hopefully you can help. It's a bit long and confusing, but hopefully I explain myself. My ex (currently in prison and won't sign the divorce papers for me), has lied and cheated (and committed at least one crime but is being charged with several more that I think unfortunately he did commit.) Anyway, throughout the last year I have allowed him to call the children and they have the choice to speak to him, write to him-I offer this regularly and visit him - just turned 15 and 12 this week, so need an adult. At the moment, with the lies that are coming out about what landed him in prison, and the lies he told us as his family, I decided that for now, the only contact should be letters. 
My question is, am I within my right to do this? He is named on their birth certificates. I am not stopping all contact, but I know he is making empty promises on the phone. I don't like asking them what has been said, but I can't have him build their hopes up just to be destroyed again.
A bit of advice will be great. 
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Steph37

Hi Toni,  I do sympathise with you and position you are in.  I think in your shoes I would be keeping contact to letters.   Do your children volunteer any of what’s said to them.  As you are obviously a responsible, caring mum I think if you are able to tell the children why you are monitoring contact closely this would help.

 I do hope that you can find a way to get the divorce papers sorted.  

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Toni
Hi Steph, 
Thanks for the reply. They do mention some bits, but also I can often hear their side of the conversation and can take an educated guess at what is being said. (part of the reason I really didn't want phone contact atm) 
They received a letter at the weekend from him, very emotionless and it just upset both kids. It is just hard I guess! 
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familylives
Hi, I understand that this is a difficult situation. If you're looking for legal advice then we suggest that you go to the Child Law Advice website, which has an extensive archive on the law surrounding children. You can call them, but you may be charged and asked to book a call, on 0300 330 5480. It sounds like it's a very upsetting situation for all involved. If your children want to continue contact then maybe it's time to have a very serious conversation with them about the situation and give them as much of the truth as you are able. You may find it helpful to read our article on how to cope if a parent goes to prison. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222. 
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Daisy
I’d keep a good eye on what is in the correspondence- you have every right as there mum. Keep a diary of how the kids are reacting. I have experience of this and it ended up in court. My diary was invaluable I got the GP involved as my daughter was becoming distressed by her fathers inconsistencies and behaviour. What you have to weigh up is yes it’s best for kids to know both parents but if it’s to there detriment it’s better letting them see him once they’re older and have the maturity to see his actions. I don’t know the background but the decision was made for me to stop all contact. Hard decision but my child is doing really well XX hope this helps daisy 
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