MA2836
Hi Everyone, I am new to the site, but I really need some advice, I have 3 sons, 17, 13 & 12.  My 12 year old I really am struggling with and not sure where to turn.  He is very sensitive and he can't express his emotions so it always ends up in him exploding in anger not physical but shouting and screaming, he says hurtful things.  I have tried everything from trying to ignore it until he calms down, talking to him but nothing seems to work.   I have noticed a pattern and I seem to to think it could be hormonal, he hasn't coped very well in lock down and refuses to go out, he has restricted time on consoles and we have kept the same time for bed that he would usually have if he was at school, he completes his school work each day but this is sometimes challenging and we have some days where he just doesn't do it.  Today I heard him calling his elder brother some very awful names when I went into tell him that what he was saying was unacceptable he screamed in my face telling me I always take their side and he's always wrong and the one that gets into trouble, he then threw his phone and ipad which I have now confiscated.  He carried on saying he hates this house and everyone in it told me he doesn't care about anyone or anything and he will do what he wants.  I literally don't know where to turn, he and his brothers are treated the same, they have the same consequences but he always makes me out to be the bad person and kind of plays a victim if that is the right word!  He says his brothers should treat him better, like all brothers they argue and fight, how can I get through to him?  We've tried the count to 10 and try and calm down and he does this but today was a new level of anger for him. Any ideas would be appreciated.
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Jason Shaw jay3779
Hi there. I'm not a parent of a teenager (yet) or a counsellor but an ex teacher incl behavioural difficulties and social psychology student. It seems you are doing an admirable job of structuring their time and activities during this very difficult time for everyone. Time and place/context will be sensitive issues for any teenager unable to be themselves under the current circumstances. If you could change either of these by experimenting or changing the context by organising a new social bubble with other family and/or friends, it may lead to a change in behaviour. Just reading what you wrote, perhaps the problem lies in you treating everyone the same. He has probably outgrown counting to 10! Also keep your criticism (and praise) private, ie not in front  of his brothers, however hard this may be. I'm sure you are doing the best you can, don't give up ðŸ˜¦
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familylives
Hi, I understand that this is a difficult situation. This sounds like typical teen behaviour, you maybe right that he isn't dealing with the hormonal changes in his body well. Sometimes, a teen just won't be able to see things from anyone else's point of view, and as such will believe that you're treating them unjustly when you're treating them fairly. Stick to your guns, the most important part of discipline is consistency. Make sure to give him praise, though equal to his brothers, when he does something good. You may find it helpful to read our articles on child behaviour. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or contact us through our live chat service which is open, Monday to Friday between 1.30pm and 5.30pm or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222.
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