SueEllen

 

Hi,

My daughter who is nearly 15 has for the past 9 months been in a relationship with a girl that me and her dad (we are no longer together) do not approve of for several different reasons. Early on the girlfriend was involved in a knife attack and there was a bike theft that my daughter had to be questioned for, luckily it did not go further as she did not really do anything. She is well known by the police.

At the time my daughter was bullied at school, we have since taken her out of that school and she started a new school in September las year.

Over time my daughters behaviour has deteriorated, she is rude, swears, shouts and will trash her bedroom in a tantrum. She has run away and just generally do not think she should have any boundaries. That she is the only one that has rules and is not able to do what she wants. School is being affected and she is now acting out at school.

We believe she is being manipulated by the girlfriend who has issues on her own. She has ADHD, ODD and depression. She uses her depression to get my daughter to do what she wants, constantly saying she wants to kill herself.

The girlfriend have turned my daughter against me and her entire family and I am now enemy number 1 as I will not have anything to do with the girlfriend.

In an attempt to break contact and to get our daughter to realise that we do care and for to understand that her behaviour is unacceptable we have taken her phone away and she is grounded. She is being taken to and collected from school as the girls friend will be waiting outside the school.

I have suspicions that my daughter may have ADD and am waiting to have her assessed. She has been seeing a councillor for the past 6 months.

She will not accept that she has to build trust with me to get her “freedom” and phone back and is trying to manipulate me, saying that she will not stop to act out unless I give it all up. That I am the cause of her being stressed and is starting to feel depressed.

I’m at my wits end and am doubting anything I do to be right thing.

Has anyone been in the same situation and can offer any advise on how to handle the situation?

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familylives
Hi, I understand that this is a difficult and troubling situation. Of course she's going to be difficult, she's trying to rebel. Consistency is key and if you keep at it, despite how exhausting it can be, it can have results. Knowing that you're not going to budge will take the wind out of her sails. You may find it helpful to read our articles on teenage behaviour and teens and relationships. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222.
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