Hi there … I wonder if anyone can help me out with advice or referrals on a case regarding my daughter and her daughter ( my grandchild ).

My daughter is 37 and the mother of four children aged 17,14,11 and 2.  Sadly, each child has a different father and my daughter lives in small rented accommodation and exists entirely on welfare.

My concern is her 17 yr old daughter whose father is Eastern European and was deported back to his own country some years ago.  The problem is this 17yr old granddaughter is a student, having trouble at maintaining her course and had a small income from a weekend job. This granddaughter is reaching out to me by text a lot, saying that her mother controls everything she does, bullies her 24/7 ( verbal abuse which the others never get ) and has lately banned her from the kitchen stating that she now has to buy her own food. This daughter has a lovely nature and is very kind in character. Why my daughter treats her like this is a mystery. But my granddaughter's welfare is of major concern, she is clearly beginning to feel broken and I am worried that she may end up hurting herself. She is 18 this coming April. Recently she left home, caught a train to eastern Europe to see her dad in desperation and had to be bailed out to fly back quickly as she had insufficient funds etc.

My granddaughter wants me to intervene with her mother but her mother ( my daughter ) clearly needs counselling, possibly even psychiatric help and will probably be abusive to me in return and as a result stop all contact with me, which is very infrequent anyway. 

I really want some help here, what I should try and say to my daughter and what agencies may help in some way. My daughter has very little respect for me and when she does, it's only when I have helped her financially. 

All helpful advice or experiences welcome.  Thanks


Hi, I understand that this is a difficult and troubling situation. Since your granddaughter is 17, from my understanding, she is able to move out and live wherever she pleases. Removing her from the situation may be helpful. Social Services could be helpful too, they're not just there to take children from their parents, they're there to help and support families, you can read more about them here. Your granddaughter could contact The Mix, they're an organisation that helps young people, she can call them on 0808 808 4994. If you feel you need further support please e-mail us at or call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 2222.